February 14, 2011

Good for Your Marriage: Leave Things Unsaid?

"Before I got married my boss told me that the secret to a strong marriage is to leave at least three things unsaid each day" –The Happiness Project

I read this and I wasn’t too sure what it meant. They didn’t really explain it and it was just left at that, so it seems like it’s really open to interpretation. I like it when things are just clear, and you know what a person means, but in this case I had to make up what I think they mean, which I guess can be fun (I need to make myself think creatively more often!).

So I think they mean leave a little mystery, leave a little to the imagination and leave things light. You don’t have to cram everything your spouse needs to know or do into one day or making sure they know it all right away (which I am for sure guilty of). I tend to “download” or “offload” on Marshall at the end of the day, or when we’re sitting and talking because I want to know that he knows everything that’s going on and that we’re on the same page. That’s a good practice, I love it, but there need to be a balance which I don’t think I usually maintain. Men are different then women or more specifically Marshall is different than me. If I try and tell Marshall everything all in one sitting only 50% of it is going to settle and is remembered. Not because Marshall is slow or to any fault of his (other than him sometimes not focusing all his attention) but rather because of my detail nature and his big picture nature. I tell him everything that he needs to know about a certain topic and I think sometimes that’s just overwhelming (for anyone for that matter!) and the “need to know” facts get lost somewhere in the middle. Talking and communicating information is great but keep it light, communicate the “need to know” facts and then leave a little bit unsaid. If you don’t need to say it today wait till tomorrow, space it out.

What do you think? What’s your good marriage practice?


  1. I completely agree. I tend to unload all at once. My husband (however) doesn't say much. Sometimes I talk way too much ... a very big fault of mine.

  2. I know what you mean! When I get talking I talk talk talk and don't give my hubs a chance to say much.


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