January 11, 2011

Good for Your Marriage: Criticism

"My husband and I never criticize each other for more than one thing at a time" – The Happiness Project

I think this is great! I know when I get going I tend to bring everything up that I might have been holding onto and that’s so not far. I stock pile it and then when the flood gates open I drown Marshall with criticism and who wants that? And if the criticism doesn’t drawn him the negativity I bring and the “I’m not good” feelings will (when I criticize I’m not nearly as soft as I should be).

And to add to that most people don’t improve or have the motivation to improve if they’ve been told a pile of things they aren’t good at. One thing at a time is manageable, doable, a goal that can be tackled. Trying to remember to do ten different things, and change ten different things at once? Not easy!

I know we’re not supposed to change our spouse but I believe we are supposed to help them become a better person and a better them. And that is often done through coaching, suggestions and criticism. So here’s to holding back, here’s to only suggestion one thing at a time. If I want to change myself, or help others change I need to focus on and communicate only one thing at a time and so do you!

What do you think? How do you communicate criticism?

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